What Divorce Mediation Involves Before Solicitors Are Instructed
What mediation actually means in a divorce
Mediation is not counselling and it is not arbitration. It is a structured series of meetings, usually two hours at a time, in which a trained, impartial mediator helps both spouses identify the issues that need resolving — the family home, pensions, savings, contact arrangements for children — and reach an agreement they can both live with. The mediator does not take sides, cannot give either of you legal advice, and cannot impose an outcome.
What surprises many people is that the mediator does not draft the consent order. If the agreement is to become legally binding it must be converted into a financial order by a solicitor and then reviewed by a judge at the Family Court. Mediation produces the deal; the paperwork still needs a lawyer. Many couples each instruct a solicitor in the background purely for advice on offers, which keeps the process cheap without leaving either party exposed.
Since April 2011, anyone applying to court for most private children or financial orders must first attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, known as a MIAM. The meeting lasts around 45 minutes, is usually held individually, and costs roughly £100 to £150 per person at a commercial provider; some services offer it free or at reduced cost. The mediator then signs the form confirming whether mediation is suitable. You cannot skip this step, although there are exemptions — domestic abuse, child protection concerns, or where one party cannot be traced.
What it costs in England and Wales
Mediators typically charge £100 to £200 per hour, so a two-hour session for a couple runs from £200 to £400 shared between you, and many providers offer a first session free or at a reduced rate. Legal aid is still available for mediation in certain cases — covering the MIAM, the sessions and, crucially, one hour of advice from a solicitor on the proposed settlement — even where legal aid has been withdrawn from representation in court. That single funded advice hour is the most underused element of the system.
Compare that with contested litigation, where costs of £15,000 or more per side before a final hearing are routine. A straightforward financial remedy case resolved through three or four mediation sessions plus two modest solicitor bills can come in well under £5,000 in total. That gap is why the Family Justice Council and successive presidents of the Family Division keep pressing couples towards mediation.
How to handle the practicalities
The mediator usually asks both of you to prepare an open financial statement before the first substantive session: property valuations, mortgage redemption figures, pension CETV figures from workplace and private schemes, bank statements, tax returns if self-employed. Arriving with these assembled speeds things up considerably. Expect to disclose in a signed document that you believe the information to be true, because incomplete disclosure is the fastest way to have a later consent order set aside.
Sessions can be held together in the same room, in separate rooms with the mediator shuttling between you (sometimes called shuttle mediation), or online. Shuttle mediation suits couples who cannot sit together, and online sessions have become standard since the courts resumed in 2020. If either of you feels intimidated, say so to the mediator before the first meeting; a well-run service will adjust the format rather than push you into a joint room.
A typical scenario: a couple in their fifties, married 25 years, two grown children, one house worth £480,000 with a £90,000 mortgage, and two pension pots of unequal size. Three sessions over two months at £180 an hour each produced an agreement where one spouse stayed in the home and took a smaller share of the pensions, offset by a lump sum. A solicitor converted it into a consent order, which the judge approved without a hearing. Total outlay: just over £2,000 between them.
When mediation is the wrong tool
Mediation fails where there is a serious power imbalance, current or recent domestic abuse, or where one party is hiding assets. It also fails where one person has already decided they want the maximum the court would award and nothing less — mediation rewards flexibility and punishes entrenched positions. If communication has collapsed to the point that messages go through children, the sessions will not fix it.
It is also worth understanding what mediation is not. It does not decide the divorce itself, which is now a simple administrative process under the no-fault system in place since April 2022. It does not replace a family solicitor's advice on the legal test of fairness, and it does not bind anyone until a consent order is sealed. If mediation collapses, the mediator can issue a form confirming the attempt, which you will need anyway before a court application.
Choose a mediator accredited by the Family Mediation Council and check whether they are qualified to mediate finances as well as children; the two are often treated separately. Ask about their hourly rate, cancellation policy, and how they handle disclosure. A good mediating solicitor on the side, briefed on the numbers before each session, is usually money well spent — it is often the difference between signing something sensible and signing something you regret.